ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
