He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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