my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
