i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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