Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
