I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
