Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
They have beer where we have blood.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
