I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
