I need help removing her.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
