scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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