Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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