so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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