There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dicks are not precious.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
