Already got asked if we're dating
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
