I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
