Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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