I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
