we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
