We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
there is puke in my bra ... again
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