i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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