dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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