Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
