I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
