i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
