In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
