Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
