woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
