I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You took a bar mat shot.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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