remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
