I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
