It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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