FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
