If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize