Taylor Swift is so right about you.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
