would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
