it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
