drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
