Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
