There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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