Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
