God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
