you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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