We won't sleep together?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
