Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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