I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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