but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
it hurts more in the daytime
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
