Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Little spoons don't ask big questions
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
