I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
