what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
