It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
