Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
How's work?
Spinning.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
