I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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