i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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