i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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