I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
