Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
