My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
