if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
