rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
