There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
