The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
