Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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