I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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