using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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