6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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