3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
