If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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