I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
