Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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