Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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