took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The cops high fived after they tackled you
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
