so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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