Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
