the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
