you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Randomize
