So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
