True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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