how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
