dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize