Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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