This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it glows. i had to have it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
