Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
