i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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