If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize