I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
