If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
