Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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