i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
