I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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