The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
