Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
