me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize