he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize