your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
